Today, we stayed later than usual. We left SPC the last and final dept @ 5.45 hrs after the knock off bell @ 5.20 pm.
Met Andy and Wong of C21, C22 for the first time. :)
C23 felt different without Anbu.. but they manage to make the whole place fun and DM Gerard goes all out for the costume party for the men. Seems to reflect that he cares for the men and the men love him too.
Took photos with pirates and ship crew with Tang, Edmund, Jana, etc..
We passed KK Kong our long time Store colleague his farewell present. with a hand made card. Everyone signed. Except James.. Don know why he didn't want to do so. Hope that this will mean a little something to him.
Took photos with Aide n his whole team of superman, spiderman, robin, batman and super heros. OPS support! Wow!!
Saw Shahrin. Really in good and healthy state! They made sure people want to stay with them, made sure their men enjoyed. N the put a lot of effort. Every engineer, for their workmen.
The good hosts stayed for their visitors to come , n welcome them warmly, greeting them and acknowledging and appreciating that they dropped by to see them. It was heartening to be friends again esp with those whom u argued and fight with every now n then.
It felt like we put aside all our quibles and differences for a day. Before the next quarrel start. (hah!) Builds our rapport n teach us how to communicate with each other.
ANOTHER SUGGESTION /OPPORTUNITIES FOR EN BETTERMENT:
the host / emcee.. invite the VIP to join..
should toast to everyone with drinks, or beer or anything. Just wish something for our dept, for the yard, for everyone, for the oldest, the youngest, the managers, the leaders of their men, for the men etc..
let management staff say somethg to encourage the workmen or let the workmen have some means to express themselves.. calling for the yum seng. etc?! or for the games as leaders
OTHER AMAZING NOTES
Store workmen did a wonderful decoration on their own without additional materials. N only a few balloons.
Just styrofoam and wrappers only.
They efforts n hardwork made the place v beautiful n decorated! CHEERS to their handiwork!!
Ramli made it very fun to know who is the prize winner. CHEERS for Ramli!
Some of the management staff gave up their prizes for the others, CHEERS for their kind act!
FUN to walk around with your dept colleagues, those are James Jameson, Michael Dave Stella Afidah, Kim Neo Nora Derrick Soon Peng Juliana . CHEERS to all! Special thanks to those who drove everyone around e yard (*especially during the rain)
Managed to witness Hupsteel guy sending goods at central store quite late @ 3.45 pm where users has closed their store. They can't find anyone AT C23 and had to turn back. Poor the delivery person. Buyer has failed to inform him that he can't come after 3. He didn't manage to send the urgent pipe to user on the day... It is quite difficult for the vendor to deliver goods if the timing is late.
NOT Easy
Departments put in A LOT OF EFFORT and coordinations to make event fun, dressing up, photo taking, standing n waiting for visitors... shows that managment cares for the men.. value them as individuals and their unique talents. Esp workmen level.
This could be in turn correlated to return on expenditure.
Something along the lines of : "If my superior cares about my work, it is important,then I should see it as important. If I like my superior, or If i look up upon my superior, i tend to have the inclination to do better for his sake , for the good for "our"dept, for my admiration of what he does. If i have a good relationship with my superior, my success will reflect good on him, and I will want to be aligned with his values, because I look up upon him. "
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Reflections for 23.12.11 - 2011 Christmas celebration , sspl
REFLECTIONS FOR P&S DEPT GATHERING / CELEBRATIONS
This year's Christmas, xy, Af, Tee, Raja were the organisers for dept dinner, and lucky draw.
Expenditures :
food 936.00 (catered 80pax, actual 50+)
lucky draw 400.00
Drinks 150.00
balloons 10.00
Decoration 30.00
Lightings 55.00 (130+ RM)
Total S$ 1581.00
Budgeted :
Bosses $800.00
Staff-Stores 550.00
Staff-Purchasing 310.00
Total 1660
Surplus 78 ++
Observations by xy :
1. Decorations, after event to be safekept by Purchasing on behalf of dept.
2. See all original receipts before paying out the amount to claimant (claimant should not be suggested to hold on to $$ first) . Proceeds to be safe kept by treasurer, not directly with Claimant.
3. Better for 1 person to be organiser, other 3 as assistants, rather than all 4 are organisers. Or rather 1 person organise, the other help.
All 4 persons, no decisions made or too many decisions made. Messy and lack of central decision point
Everyone can't decide, everyone want to decide.
4. $ spent need to be approved by the chair person. Before placing order.
5. FOOD
not sufficiently hot /warm enough,
variety insufficient,
repetition of dishes
not enough sauces varieties
e.g. fish and breaded fish
e.g taufoo & yong taufoo
e.g. mutton n mutton ?? (or two diff meats? can't tell by looking)
e.g. not enough colorful variety
e.g. two similar vegetables?
6. MUSIC / BACKGROUND
no arrangement for emcees for the communication/engagement with participants / visitors ?
no loudspeaker or microphone?
no hifi or at least player for ambience setting music or Christmas carols
7. VIP /GUESTS
when vips and guests visits us, there is no greetings warmly or indication of welcome. (just hi and shaking of hands? only?)
if emcee is present, perhaps he/she can invite the hosts (pur & store staff to go n give them a warm high five?or shake their hands vigorously to warm the cold rainy day) invite them to sit down for a drink ?
At least at the start of the event ?
To engage /welcome the VIP as part of the day, invite him/her taking turns to give away at least 2 or 3 prizes for the staff - a kind of encouragement that the management , or the yard treats them as important people
E.g. To invite the VIP to say a few words (e.g. encouragement/feedback/share their own thoughts for the next year) to staff and co workers of this dept who receives and collects goods for everyone else ?
8. EVENT - SINGING / GAMES ?
Perhaps we could arrange karaoke session for the workmen ? Guess the songs ?
or team building games ? e.g. which team can build the TALLEST (make-believe) christmas tree with drinking straws and 12 inch of scotch tapes that can stand for longer than one minute on its own? ?
which team can arrange their people in the order of their birthdates ascending order in the shortest possible time - SILENTLY ?!
Which team got the most no. of left handers?!
Who can write the fastest?
Who can stamp their names correctly on papers (PO/DO), fastest per 30secs? (Maybe Law will be the "sure win"!!)
The general sentiment felt /soaked in, sense of doing something special for the guys is not really strong. Seems that office is only keen to makan, then leave the store to the storeguys.. ?! :'( But we want to see our users and how they are doing..
9) $ HOW SHOULD DEPT OUTING FUND BE USED
check with HR again
This year's Christmas, xy, Af, Tee, Raja were the organisers for dept dinner, and lucky draw.
Expenditures :
food 936.00 (catered 80pax, actual 50+)
lucky draw 400.00
Drinks 150.00
balloons 10.00
Decoration 30.00
Lightings 55.00 (130+ RM)
Total S$ 1581.00
Budgeted :
Bosses $800.00
Staff-Stores 550.00
Staff-Purchasing 310.00
Total 1660
Surplus 78 ++
Observations by xy :
1. Decorations, after event to be safekept by Purchasing on behalf of dept.
2. See all original receipts before paying out the amount to claimant (claimant should not be suggested to hold on to $$ first) . Proceeds to be safe kept by treasurer, not directly with Claimant.
3. Better for 1 person to be organiser, other 3 as assistants, rather than all 4 are organisers. Or rather 1 person organise, the other help.
All 4 persons, no decisions made or too many decisions made. Messy and lack of central decision point
Everyone can't decide, everyone want to decide.
4. $ spent need to be approved by the chair person. Before placing order.
5. FOOD
not sufficiently hot /warm enough,
variety insufficient,
repetition of dishes
not enough sauces varieties
e.g. fish and breaded fish
e.g taufoo & yong taufoo
e.g. mutton n mutton ?? (or two diff meats? can't tell by looking)
e.g. not enough colorful variety
e.g. two similar vegetables?
6. MUSIC / BACKGROUND
no arrangement for emcees for the communication/engagement with participants / visitors ?
no loudspeaker or microphone?
no hifi or at least player for ambience setting music or Christmas carols
7. VIP /GUESTS
when vips and guests visits us, there is no greetings warmly or indication of welcome. (just hi and shaking of hands? only?)
if emcee is present, perhaps he/she can invite the hosts (pur & store staff to go n give them a warm high five?or shake their hands vigorously to warm the cold rainy day) invite them to sit down for a drink ?
At least at the start of the event ?
To engage /welcome the VIP as part of the day, invite him/her taking turns to give away at least 2 or 3 prizes for the staff - a kind of encouragement that the management , or the yard treats them as important people
E.g. To invite the VIP to say a few words (e.g. encouragement/feedback/share their own thoughts for the next year) to staff and co workers of this dept who receives and collects goods for everyone else ?
8. EVENT - SINGING / GAMES ?
Perhaps we could arrange karaoke session for the workmen ? Guess the songs ?
or team building games ? e.g. which team can build the TALLEST (make-believe) christmas tree with drinking straws and 12 inch of scotch tapes that can stand for longer than one minute on its own? ?
which team can arrange their people in the order of their birthdates ascending order in the shortest possible time - SILENTLY ?!
Which team got the most no. of left handers?!
Who can write the fastest?
Who can stamp their names correctly on papers (PO/DO), fastest per 30secs? (Maybe Law will be the "sure win"!!)
The general sentiment felt /soaked in, sense of doing something special for the guys is not really strong. Seems that office is only keen to makan, then leave the store to the storeguys.. ?! :'( But we want to see our users and how they are doing..
9) $ HOW SHOULD DEPT OUTING FUND BE USED
check with HR again
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
SKETCHES OF DINOSAUR AND FRIENDS IN YEAR 1999 (SEC 2)
SKETCHES OF DINOSAUR AND FRIENDS IN YEAR 1999 (SEC 2)
JESUS DOES MIRACLES - STORY ON 13 FEB 11
JESUS DOES MIRACLES - STORY ON 13 FEB 11
JESUS FREES THE POSSESSED MAN
CROWDS FOLLOW JESUS @ SYNOGOGUES
JESUS HEALS THE SICK (PETER'S MOTHER-IN-LAW)
JESUS FREES THE POSSESSED MAN
CROWDS FOLLOW JESUS @ SYNOGOGUES
JESUS HEALS THE SICK (PETER'S MOTHER-IN-LAW)
Friday, May 28, 2010
终于（考完）大功告成
主后 A.D. 27.5.2010 历史性的一日成立了。
屡战屡败的郑某（俺）终于告别了首次靠完所有十二战，待数月便知会否重现屡败屡战情操。
待时机成熟揭晓。
暂且避谈此事。
为了备战，俺也与好些同志，手足们鲜少沟通，现在当务之急乃于数位肝胆相照的勇士们好好叙叙旧，策划前头的方征。
同时，郑某俺也得快马加鞭为或败之争提早防范，眼看战场四季之远，严冬酷夏又一年。 “...莫等闲，白了少年头，空悲切”爱国英雄-岳飞
意思是：好男儿（孩子们！同志们，兄弟们！)，要抓紧时间为国建功立业，不要空空将青春消磨，等年老时徒自悲切。
屡战屡败的郑某（俺）终于告别了首次靠完所有十二战，待数月便知会否重现屡败屡战情操。
待时机成熟揭晓。
暂且避谈此事。
为了备战，俺也与好些同志，手足们鲜少沟通，现在当务之急乃于数位肝胆相照的勇士们好好叙叙旧，策划前头的方征。
同时，郑某俺也得快马加鞭为或败之争提早防范，眼看战场四季之远，严冬酷夏又一年。 “...莫等闲，白了少年头，空悲切”爱国英雄-岳飞
Monday, September 21, 2009
Learning Points from The Gospel for iGens
- Reared on self-esteem and impervious to guilt, the next generation needs good news that can break through their defenses.
Scot McKnight posted 9/14/2009
Emerging adults (those between 18 and 30) form a generation that is largely insensitive to the potency of God's holiness, and are therefore insensitive to the magnificence of his grace, the shocking nature of his love, and that gratitude forms the core of the Christian life.
Issues arising
-Never has a generation been more in tune with the self and more protective of the self.
- Sesame Street focused on "We are all okay."
-Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street are early examples of the self-esteem movement
Twenge is a professor of sociology at San Diego State University, and her research method has been to study the history of answers to standard personality tests over the last 50 years.
... This sentence summarizes her assessment of iGens: "The individual has always come first, and feeling good about yourself has always been a primary virtue."
One of the most insightful elements of Mann's book is whether iGens feel guilt. For a person to feel guilty, that person must have a sense of morality. But morality requires a potent sense of what is right and wrong, and it needs a powerful sense of what is true and false. Contemporary culture does not provide the average iGen with a profound grasp of what is right and wrong apart from the conviction that assaulting the self is clearly wrong.
But her faith wasn't vibrant or all-consuming until she went to Central America, saw the needy of this world, and realized that Jesus' kingdom vision was bigger than her personal happiness.
Scot McKnight posted 9/14/2009
Emerging adults (those between 18 and 30) form a generation that is largely insensitive to the potency of God's holiness, and are therefore insensitive to the magnificence of his grace, the shocking nature of his love, and that gratitude forms the core of the Christian life.
Issues arising
-Never has a generation been more in tune with the self and more protective of the self.
- Sesame Street focused on "We are all okay."
-Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street are early examples of the self-esteem movement
Twenge is a professor of sociology at San Diego State University, and her research method has been to study the history of answers to standard personality tests over the last 50 years.
... This sentence summarizes her assessment of iGens: "The individual has always come first, and feeling good about yourself has always been a primary virtue."
One of the most insightful elements of Mann's book is whether iGens feel guilt. For a person to feel guilty, that person must have a sense of morality. But morality requires a potent sense of what is right and wrong, and it needs a powerful sense of what is true and false. Contemporary culture does not provide the average iGen with a profound grasp of what is right and wrong apart from the conviction that assaulting the self is clearly wrong.
But her faith wasn't vibrant or all-consuming until she went to Central America, saw the needy of this world, and realized that Jesus' kingdom vision was bigger than her personal happiness.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
An excerpt from :
How to get Lucky
- Ben SHERWOOD, Oprah.com,
Richard Wiseman, PhD, has spent more than a decade investigating why some people have more luck than others. A professor at the University of Hertfordshire in England, he holds Britain's only professorship in the public understanding of psychology. (That's his actual title.) His job is to study the ways in which psychological concepts become known to the general public, but he's also conducted international searches for the funniest joke and best pickup line. A former magician, he has explored the role of chance in our lives and discovered that some people really do have all the luck while others are "magnets for ill fortune."
Luck is usually defined as an unpredictable phenomenon that leads to good or bad outcomes. But after years of experiments, Wiseman disagrees. "Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods," he writes in The Luck Factor, his 2003 book about the essential principles of changing your fortune. "Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving." He insists that we have far more control over the element—and outcome—of chance in our lives than we realize. In fact, he argues that only 10 percent of life is truly random. The remaining 90 percent is "actually defined by the way you think."
***
Lucky people create, notice, and act upon the chance opportunities in their lives," Wiseman notes. If luck means being in the right place at the right time, he adds, "being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind."
In psychological terms, lucky people tend to be more extroverted, a word whose Latin roots mean "turned outward." Typically, they're gregarious. They have the power to draw others toward them. They're adept at maintaining friendships. And they cultivate what Wiseman describes as a "strong network of luck" that helps promote opportunity in their lives.
Ultimately, Wiseman believes, the bigger your circle of acquaintances, the more opportunities you have. A typical person knows about 300 people on a first-name basis. So if you go to a party and meet someone new, he explains, you're "only two handshakes away from 300 times 300 people; that's 90,000 new possibilities for a new opportunity, just by saying hello." By the same logic, if you meet 50 new people at a conference, you're just a couple of introductions away from 4.5 million opportunities to change your life.
Key to Success
Prepare your mind.
Don't leave chance encounters entirely to chance, says Colleen Seifert. Instead, try doing a little predictive encoding and get your mind ready for good things to happen. "Chance favors the prepared mind," Seifert says, quoting Louis Pasteur. If you lay the groundwork, then when something happens by chance, your memory goes right to work and "you notice it for free."
Give chance a chance.
If you always pick apples in the same part of an orchard, Wiseman notes, you'll eventually run out of fruit. The same applies to luck. Pursue an active life—get out there and do things—and you'll increase the likelihood of good things happening. Go apple picking—or grocery shopping, for that matter—somewhere new. Eat your lunch on a different park bench. You never know who will be sitting next to you.
Relax.
If you're anxious, stressed, or preoccupied, Wiseman believes, you probably won't notice good things waiting to happen. You'll walk right past money on the ground or miss an opportunity to speak with someone in a coffee shop. A laid-back attitude can lead to all sorts of possibilities, but you have to be ready to go with the flow.
Build your network of luck.
Stay connected to the people you know, and try to meet new people. You can become more of a social magnet by paying attention to your body language. It may sound obvious, but make smiling a habit. "Remember that you are surrounded by opportunities," Wiseman writes. "It is just a case of looking in the right places and seeing what is really there."
Colleen Seifert used to think it was "inefficient to invest in people you were never going to see again." Why chat with someone on an airplane—or at the dog park, or at an academic conference—if your paths were never going to recross? But she now believes that "people are opportunities.
The gift is in the interaction and the connection with another person,
whether it lasts forever or not." And you never know where that gift might lead.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Saturday, December 13, 2008
When GOD ran
Almighty God,
The Great I Am,
Immovable Rock,
Omnipotent,
Powerful,
Awesome Lord,
Victorious Warrior,
Commanding Kind Of Kings,
Mighty Conqueror
And the only time,
The only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms
Held my head to his chest,
Said my son's come home again
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said son,
Do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
When God ran
The day I left home,
I knew I had broken His heart
I wondered then
If things could ever be the same
Then one night,
I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road
Ahead I could see
Almighty God,
The Great I Am,
Immovable Rock,
Omnipotent,
Powerful,
Awesome Lord,
Victorious Warrior,
Commanding Kind Of Kings,
Mighty Conqueror
And the only time,
The only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms
Held my head to his chest,
Said my son's come home again
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said son,
Do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
When God ran
The day I left home,
I knew I had broken His heart
I wondered then
If things could ever be the same
Then one night,
I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road
Ahead I could see
It's the only time,
The only time I ever saw Him run
When He ran to me,
Took me in his arms
Held my head to his chest,
Said my son's come home again,
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in his voice,
He said son,
Do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
It brought me to my knees
When God ran
当上帝奔跑
全能神
伟大的自有永有者
永不动摇的磐石，无所不能，大能，
可畏之主；
得胜之士，统领万王之王
大能的得胜者
唯有那一次
唯有那一次 我看见他奔跑了
当他向我奔来，双手将我握着
容我一头埋在他怀里，
说道：“我儿回家了”
他使我仰脸，擦去我眼中的泪
带着宽恕，
说道：“我儿，你知道我仍爱着你吗”
上帝的奔跑，出人意表，叫人称奇
那一天我离家，我已知他心碎
我不晓得，一切是否能如前
一天夜里
我蓦然想起他的爱
在灰暗的前路，
让我看见了
唯有那一次
唯有那一次 我看见他奔跑了
当他向我奔来，双手将我握着
容我一头埋在他怀里，
说道：“我儿回家了”
他使我仰脸，擦去我眼中的泪
带着宽恕，
说道：“我儿，你知道我仍爱着你吗”
上帝的奔跑，出人意表，叫人称奇
当上帝奔跑，我不禁跪地
The only time I ever saw Him run
When He ran to me,
Took me in his arms
Held my head to his chest,
Said my son's come home again,
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in his voice,
He said son,
Do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
It brought me to my knees
When God ran
当上帝奔跑
全能神
伟大的自有永有者
永不动摇的磐石，无所不能，大能，
可畏之主；
得胜之士，统领万王之王
大能的得胜者
唯有那一次
唯有那一次 我看见他奔跑了
当他向我奔来，双手将我握着
容我一头埋在他怀里，
说道：“我儿回家了”
他使我仰脸，擦去我眼中的泪
带着宽恕，
说道：“我儿，你知道我仍爱着你吗”
上帝的奔跑，出人意表，叫人称奇
那一天我离家，我已知他心碎
我不晓得，一切是否能如前
一天夜里
我蓦然想起他的爱
在灰暗的前路，
让我看见了
唯有那一次
唯有那一次 我看见他奔跑了
当他向我奔来，双手将我握着
容我一头埋在他怀里，
说道：“我儿回家了”
他使我仰脸，擦去我眼中的泪
带着宽恕，
说道：“我儿，你知道我仍爱着你吗”
上帝的奔跑，出人意表，叫人称奇
当上帝奔跑，我不禁跪地
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Saturday, November 8, 2008
Love Being Married
Just love to read this section. Sometimes, all is still and quiet, I ask my heart and my mind, what's so different about the Love of CHRIST that changes people's lives, that changes my life? It's the higher purpose we've been called for. A greater than life purpose.
That, i guess, is the ultimate objective of marriage, to live out the higher purpose we've been tasked to; to learn and to be transformed by GOD permitted trials to become more Christ-like and worthy of the gospel.
__________________
Love Being Married
5 great reasons why I do—and you can, too!
Jane Johnson Struck
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2003/sepoct/7.54.html?start=3
5. Higher Goals Marriage
for marriage's sake is self- serving. But for believers, marriage has a higher purpose, a larger mission in life than a series of acquisitions or accomplishments, or an attempt to end loneliness. It's to reflect Christ's relationship with his church to a watching world.
I'm convinced God intends marriage to stretch us in ways it's hard to experience otherwise. After all, you're in the trenches of living daily with another flawed human being in need of grace, forgiveness, patience, and love—just as you are. Through the years I've been married to Rich, I've been caught short by my appallingly selfish and controlling nature … and exhilarated by moments of utter selflessness. As I'm willing, God can use the most mundane aspects of our life together—my frustration over having to wait for a longed-for home improvement, or a minor clash over disciplining one of our kids—to transform me into someone who's more Christlike.
The great thing about marriage is that even during those tough moments of life together, it teaches me constancy, commitment, and faithfulness. I love being married—and watching God at work!
Copyright 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.Click here for reprint information on Today's Christian Woman.
That, i guess, is the ultimate objective of marriage, to live out the higher purpose we've been tasked to; to learn and to be transformed by GOD permitted trials to become more Christ-like and worthy of the gospel.
__________________
Love Being Married
5 great reasons why I do—and you can, too!
Jane Johnson Struck
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2003/sepoct/7.54.html?start=3
5. Higher Goals Marriage
for marriage's sake is self- serving. But for believers, marriage has a higher purpose, a larger mission in life than a series of acquisitions or accomplishments, or an attempt to end loneliness. It's to reflect Christ's relationship with his church to a watching world.
I'm convinced God intends marriage to stretch us in ways it's hard to experience otherwise. After all, you're in the trenches of living daily with another flawed human being in need of grace, forgiveness, patience, and love—just as you are. Through the years I've been married to Rich, I've been caught short by my appallingly selfish and controlling nature … and exhilarated by moments of utter selflessness. As I'm willing, God can use the most mundane aspects of our life together—my frustration over having to wait for a longed-for home improvement, or a minor clash over disciplining one of our kids—to transform me into someone who's more Christlike.
The great thing about marriage is that even during those tough moments of life together, it teaches me constancy, commitment, and faithfulness. I love being married—and watching God at work!
Copyright 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.Click here for reprint information on Today's Christian Woman.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Just got the chance to read this article.
Hmm... I guess i just realise today's men are more emotional and in touch with their feelings than what we knew to be... (what I knew to be)
Life's (actually people) getting so complicated compared to many many donkey year's back...
source : MSN Lifestyle http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=11290632>1=32023
The Truth About Why Men Cheat
By Nicole YorioAdd page to favorites
Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair. The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated. Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it'll create an environment that supports marriage.
The Truth About Why Men Cheat
(continued)
40% of cheating men met the other woman at work."Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter — it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night. Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try, "I think we've started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.
Hmm... I guess i just realise today's men are more emotional and in touch with their feelings than what we knew to be... (what I knew to be)
Life's (actually people) getting so complicated compared to many many donkey year's back...
source : MSN Lifestyle http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=11290632>1=32023
The Truth About Why Men Cheat
By Nicole YorioAdd page to favorites
Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair. The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated. Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it'll create an environment that supports marriage.
The Truth About Why Men Cheat
(continued)
40% of cheating men met the other woman at work."Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter — it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night. Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try, "I think we've started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
My thoughts about children (1/2 from our newest system)...
My service as sunday school teacher for the LORD. Praise GOD! Yesterday managed to get HZ boy boy (3yrs) to stop crying halfway through his tear with a circus book at centre.
It's not by my wisdom or wit, but by the blessings of the LORD.
After having read some children's books like Parenting the Heart of your Child by Diane Moore. i felt more confident from gaining insight about children's hearts over the past 1/2 yr since Dec 07. Despite there being no step by step quick fixes on "what to do" and how soon to get that "it" done.
Anyway, quick fixed and "one-minute done" stuffs aren't really in GOD's favorite answers to us. GOD's ways are more about training, endurance, perservering long-suffering and so on (things to do with good and long ways yeah! that's what they're all about)
As a result or interrelatedly, i felt more and more "steady" and ready when doing stuff with kids and spending time with them. Actually, the fact is, the kids know who they're with. And they know who they can do what with.
Give in to them all the times, they 'll turn into brats. Take them by force all the time and get their sneers and mental rejection.
There's not a single hard and fast rule with any kid at any one point of time, because each time, each one kid is a different kid from the previous week you last saw him and something may have changed his mind about how he's going to behave.
That's the beauty of it all, that's where the challenge and the fun lies.
But one absolute fact is that, they're all loved by GOD so dearly and GOD Himself says, let the little children come.
Luke18:16 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
May we continue to love them more and more.
This year, much of the smaller class has "graduated" and moved on to the bigger class, we've like only 8 kids (6 were listening, 2 were staring and looking around, another 3 more when we do drawing) . The rest has already
graduated!
How comforting it is, to know the children that has been with us for the past few year(s) or years, to move on to the bigger, more matured class.
May they continue to grow and grow well in GOD's wisdom and understanding His brilliant will for each or every one of them.
in Christ's precious Name i pray
Amen!
It's not by my wisdom or wit, but by the blessings of the LORD.
After having read some children's books like Parenting the Heart of your Child by Diane Moore. i felt more confident from gaining insight about children's hearts over the past 1/2 yr since Dec 07. Despite there being no step by step quick fixes on "what to do" and how soon to get that "it" done.
Anyway, quick fixed and "one-minute done" stuffs aren't really in GOD's favorite answers to us. GOD's ways are more about training, endurance, perservering long-suffering and so on (things to do with good and long ways yeah! that's what they're all about)
As a result or interrelatedly, i felt more and more "steady" and ready when doing stuff with kids and spending time with them. Actually, the fact is, the kids know who they're with. And they know who they can do what with.
Give in to them all the times, they 'll turn into brats. Take them by force all the time and get their sneers and mental rejection.
There's not a single hard and fast rule with any kid at any one point of time, because each time, each one kid is a different kid from the previous week you last saw him and something may have changed his mind about how he's going to behave.
That's the beauty of it all, that's where the challenge and the fun lies.
But one absolute fact is that, they're all loved by GOD so dearly and GOD Himself says, let the little children come.
Luke18:16 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
May we continue to love them more and more.
This year, much of the smaller class has "graduated" and moved on to the bigger class, we've like only 8 kids (6 were listening, 2 were staring and looking around, another 3 more when we do drawing) . The rest has already
graduated!
How comforting it is, to know the children that has been with us for the past few year(s) or years, to move on to the bigger, more matured class.
May they continue to grow and grow well in GOD's wisdom and understanding His brilliant will for each or every one of them.
in Christ's precious Name i pray
Amen!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Exclusive Entanglement...
just read this and felt that what's so true ...
...faithfulness, not just in body but in spirit as well. Remember, your commitment is seen not in what you feel like doing or intend to do; it comes out in what you actually end up doing.
Love is much more than just a feeling. It's a choice to respond to another person in a way that is love.
The beautiful thing about a romantic relationship is that love isn't found - it is co-created.We don't find love. We find one another and allow love to grow between us.
Differences are an opportunity to grow
Many people believe that those conflicts are signs that the relationship is off track. But what drives a relationship off track is not conflict but the inability to handle conflict.
What lies before them is the opportunity to learn from each other
working together as a team and
relying on each other's strengths.
create a true partnership out of the differences.
love is tested through conflict
They give us the opportunity to value how different we are from the one we love and
use those differences to grow and change.
Curiosity is a powerful tool in a relationship because it means staying open and wanting to know more about the other person.
We need to love others for who they are if we desire to be loved in the same way.
if you're not being loved for who you really are, you're not being loved at all.
...faithfulness, not just in body but in spirit as well. Remember, your commitment is seen not in what you feel like doing or intend to do; it comes out in what you actually end up doing.
Love is much more than just a feeling. It's a choice to respond to another person in a way that is love.
The beautiful thing about a romantic relationship is that love isn't found - it is co-created.We don't find love. We find one another and allow love to grow between us.
Differences are an opportunity to grow
Many people believe that those conflicts are signs that the relationship is off track. But what drives a relationship off track is not conflict but the inability to handle conflict.
What lies before them is the opportunity to learn from each other
working together as a team and
relying on each other's strengths.
create a true partnership out of the differences.
love is tested through conflict
They give us the opportunity to value how different we are from the one we love and
use those differences to grow and change.
Curiosity is a powerful tool in a relationship because it means staying open and wanting to know more about the other person.
We need to love others for who they are if we desire to be loved in the same way.
if you're not being loved for who you really are, you're not being loved at all.
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